GReeTiNGS!! THiS iS THe BeyoNDeR!!!

So, the Beyonder is very sorry that he hasn't been posting on his blogggg. It's been almost a year since he has posted last, in fact, if his calculations are correct. Long story short, it turns out the the Beyonder was a werewolf for some reason, so most of the past almost a year has been spent first figuring out how to cure lycanthropy and then curing lycanthropy. After that, the Beyonder decided that Grace wasn't nearly as entertaining as he anticipated her to be, so he created himself a bunch of money and bought a pet. The Beyonder bought a pet goat, which he named Puscifer, after the name of a band that doesn't actually seem to exist but is on the Underworld Motion Picture Soundtrack with Maynard James Keenan and John Frusciante from the Red Hot Chili Peppers and the song is awesome and about a crazy evil woman and awesome... so awesome that he named the goat after the imaginary band Puscifer. Anyway, so the Beyonder bought a pet goat named Puscifer and promptly lost it. It ran off somewhere. The Beyonder knows what you're thinking, "But Dexter, don't you live in an extra-dimensional space? I mean... where could the goat..." and then the Beyonder shouts, "HIS NAME IS PUSCIFER," and you're all, "... ugh... fine where could Puscifer possibly have gone?" Well, smart-ass, the Beyonder didn't think that an extra-dimensional space was a proper place to keep a goat so he bought some property in Tucker Town. It's a nice little farm land, with ducks and cows, and boy-howdy are cows lustful.

Anyway, Puscifer dissappeared and then the Beyonder was sad because he kind of liked that goat. And then a week ago the Beyonder was out and about in Peace Dale getting his mail, and much to his surprise, he HAD MAIL!!! "No one likes me!" he curiously exclaimed out load. "Damn straight, ghhgh." Snapped this jackass kick named Eric who works at Shaws now. The Beyonder looked at him and vibrated a bit and then the kid's head exploded and then his body turned blue and emaciated and now the Beyonder has a new pet zombie named Puscifer II. Anywasy so the Beyonder opened the letter and low and behold it's from the Michael. Turns out that he and Georgia are getting married and he wants the Beyonder to be his best man. The Beyonder was about to teleport to the Michael's house when he caught a glimpse of something over near Georgia's father's house. He floated over to find it was the tattered remains of his goat. He was shocked at first and then saddened for a second but then he remembered that A- he has a new pet now, and B- nothing else matters becuase he's going to be the Michael's best man at the Pirate wedding. So the Beyonder teleported to the Michael's house during dinner. Unfortunately only his parents were there. The Michael's parents whom the Beyonder had never met. Imagine their surprise during dinner when a giant, red, translucent sphere and a headless zombie appear in their dining room.

Beyonder: HI, IS MICHAEL HOME!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Puscifer II: BRAAAAAAIIIIIIINS!!!!!!!!!
Mom: (with Scottish accent) SWAIT MARCIFUL CHROIST!!!!
Dad: WHAT'S ALL THIS, THEN?

At that point Dad got up and grabbed his very large gun and said "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, DEMON!!! WE HATE DEMONS!!!!!"

B: Yeah but is Michael home?
D: AAAAA... oh you're looking for Michael? He doesn't live here anymore, he has a place in North Providence.
M: Whut are ya dooin'? Whoy doon'tcha shout theh theng, fer Chroist's saake?
P: BRAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIINS!!!!!!!
D: Could you please leave, that thing is ugly and smells.
B: Oh, yeah ok.

And then we were gone. The Beyonder decided to bring Puscifer II home and put him in the little meadow where he used to keep Puscifer I. So he did that and then he teleported into the Michael's apartment. He appeared inside the refrigerator for some reason and he could hear Georgia talking.

Georgia: I'm going to get a Coke, honey-bunny, do you want one?
The Michael: Yes, please.
G: OK dear.

She walked to the fridge and openned the door to see the Beyonder.

Beyonder: CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!
G: AAAAAAHHHHH!!! and she slammed the door and put a lock on it.

And since the door is locked, the Beyonder can't get out. He can't even teleport out, becuase he can't teleport in or out of anywhere that's locked. And he's been there ever since.

PEACE OUT!!!!!