GReeTiNGS!! THiS iS THe BeyoNDeR!!!

The other day, the Beyonder went to the doctor. He went because of his recent lack of energy.

*knock knock*
*Doctor, a small, meek looking man with coke bottle glasses and a short, nappy hair (a nerd) enters the room looking down at a clip board*

Doctor: Hello, Mr. Mills, how are we doing to- (looks up)... oh.
Beyonder: HI! I'm ok, how're you?
D: .........................................Oh,. um good.
B: Excellent, I'm Dexter, nice to meet you.
D: Tom... Lefkin.... Dr. Lefkin.
B: Good.... so...
D: Yes... well... what uhh... what seems to be the problem Mr. Mills?
B: Well, I've been having a real loss of energy lately. Like I sleep enough and eat enough and everything, but I still have just been real tired, you know?
D: You eat?!
B: Yeah, like I said, I eat enough food and it's good, healthy food.
D: I see. Did the... did the nurse take your vitals?
B: No, she said that they had a new thing where the doctor takes the vitals for new patients.
D: Oh, she did, huh?
B: Yup. So should we do that?
D: Yeah... (looks back and forth between the Beyonder, the scale and the blood pressure thing.) You know what, that's really not too important, you seem just fine.
B: Whattever, it's your office. :)
D: So lack of energy, is that it?
B: Well no, I've been waking up with weird cuts and torn up clothing that isn't mine and pieces of wood stuck in me.
D: Really? Hmmm... I think I'm going to take a blood... sample... I guess.
B: Ok.

Doctor Lefkin went to the table and brandished a needle. He tried to stick it into the Beyonder but the needle only bent. He looked puzzled and then went back to the table. He returned after a moment of searching through the drawers weilding a glass cutter.

D: I think this might hurt a bit... or not, I really don't know.
B: Ok.

The Doctor cut a small hole in the Beyonder and reached in with a vial and removed some of his mist, then put the piece back and it sealed the hole.

D: I guess this will be good. I'll be right back.
B: Sure.

The Doctor leaved and when he opened the door, there were five people standing outside looking in the door intently trying to see something.

A minute later, Lefkin returned.

D: Dexter... this is going to sound weird, but... were you bitten by anyting recently?
B: Yeah, I got bit by this big wolf a few days ago. But it didn't get infected or anything.
D: Fheh! Mr. Mills... You have scorching case of lycanthropy.
B: Sorry?
D: Me too!
B: What?
D: Sir, are aware that you are a werewolf?
B: That doesn't even make any sense!
D: It makes perfect sense. You have a lack of energy, because at night you turn into a werewolf and go trauncing around town destroying things. You probably burst through people's walls and fight them and get them into all kinds of trouble with their insane mothers. That would explain the pieces of wood and cuts and stuff.
B: Georgia was mumbling something about fighting a werewolf the other day. She's a friend of mine... I think.
D: Yeah you're definetely a werewolf.
B: Well is there like, an antibiotic or something that I can take?
D: No, the only way to cure the curse is to shoot the victim with a silver bullet.
B: Hmm... well then. I think I know who to turn to. Thank you.
D: Sure thing, sir. Have a good day.

And with a heavy load upon his heart, the Beyonder set out for the only person who can help him... Georgia McDanger.

Peace Out!!

GReeTiNGS!! THiS iS THe BeyoNDeR!!!

Last night was the 134th Annual September Ball and it was everything the Beyonder thought it would be. He had asked Grace to go with him to the ball two weeks earlier and she agreed. He was overjoyed as he hovered up to her door and rang the bell. She opened the door and was Beyond beautiful. She had on a pale blue dress and some matching formal shoes. The dress was complimented well by his maroonish tint, but the shoes were nothing to write home about.

Beyonder: If we're going, we're going all the way.

And a pair of the most beautiful glass slippers anyone had ever seen, ever, appeared in front of her.

Grace: DEXTER!! THEY'RE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GLASS SLIPPERS I'VE EVER SEEN, EVER!! I feel like some kind of fairy godmother... which is kind of dumb... BUT STILL!!

Beyonder: I can assure, m'lady, they are far more beautiful on you then they ever would be on any godmother in history. They're sure to turn everyone's head at the ball.

And with that they made their way to the September Ball. Fashionably late, of course. And by made their way to the ball, he means he willed them to be there and then they were all of a sudden. Still fashionably late.

They went through the large, magestic doors to the ballroom and, sure enough, everyone in the place turned to look at the unyeilding beauty of this new mystery woman the Beyonder had walked in with. Everyone started shouting things like, “Who is she?” “Where did she come from?” “So pretty!!” “Look at her glass slippers! She’s probably got some kind of fairy godmother!” “Wow!” and “She’s too good for him!” He went off to get some punch, and when he came back, Grace had already started throwin' 'bows. Like sister, like... younger sister, I suppose. I chased after Louise to appologize for his broken nose and then returned to my date.

They had a table with Artemis Grimm, Moses, Louise, and Pat Anger. They had a lot of interesting conversation about things enteresting all parties. They talked about answering cups with strings, having god powers, doing ambiguously evil things, missing divorced wives in Nevada, RHHOOOOOOOOOOUGHHHHHHHLLLLL, and fighting everything. The Beyonder ran into the All-Powerful Mick at one point who had a table with his five best ninja fighters.

Beyonder: So Mick, I actually wanted to talk to you.
Mick: Oh really? What about, friend?
B: Well you remember that girl Georgia, right?
M: Oh yes, she's given my ninjas a run for their money on many occasions.
B: Yes well, she's kind of a little unstable in the head right now and I was wondering if you could have your men keep a third eye on her. No real interference, just... if she starts getting ancy, just keep her sustained, feel me?
M: Oh yes, I don't think that would be any trouble at all. Plus I owe... you know for that thing?
B: Oh right, well thanks a lot, but I've got to pee right now, so I'll see you around.
M: Of course, Dexter, enjoy your night! :)

And then he peed.

At one point early on in the night they played Desert Rose by Sting and he went and danced with Grace because that's a phat ballroom dancing song, in this sphere's opinion. While they were dancing, he caught a glimpse of Georgia and the Michael. Now he just needed to get the Michaels attention without making Georgia aware that something was going on... Desert Rose ended and they started playing Rapper's Delight for no reason. PERFECT, he thought... He went off the dance floor and then came right back making a grand entrance like in an eighty's movie, and then started break dancing. After a bit, he backed off so that other people could have the spotlight. During his break, he thought at the Michael.

Beyonder: Mike, it's B. I'm thinking at you. I've got the All-Powerful Mick's ninjas keeping an eye on Georgia. All precautions are in place if she starts flipping out for absolutely no reason. If you got this message, do something unusual but inconspicuous.

As he finished the message, the Michael began to do the robot. Excellent, he heard the Beyonder. The rest of the night went on without event. Georgia kept her calm the entire length of the ball AND they played Poor Some Sugar On Me which is every Beyonder's favorite song.

Be brought Grace home a few minutes after midnight and wished her a good night. She kissed him on the cheek and he blushed and left.

He can't wait to talk to the Michael tomorrow about how the night went. He hopes he's all right.

WHA?? FEELI FDDFDDLFEEL LIKE MEAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
WWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

GReeTiNGS!! THiS iS THe BeyoNDeR!!!

The Beyonder is feeling right as rain! Whatever weird sleepness desease that has been availing him, he has gotten used to. He's as wide awake as he's ever been.

On a side note, the Beyonder has been hanging out with the Michael a lot lately. It all started when he realized that Georgia was talking to the television when it wasn't even on and thinking that the Beyonder was saying things that were not what he was actually saying. He became concerned and immediately paged Grace to set up a luncheon appointment with the Michael so they could talk. They met at the Olive Garden.

The Michael: So, B, what's up? Gracie said you had something important to talk to me about.
The Beyonder: Yes, Michael... I do. Have you... noticed that... Georgia... she hasn't really been the same since Matunuck exploded?
M: She's been a little bothered, I think but... she hasn't really been different exactly.
B: Yeah.... The other day I went over to her house and she was yelling at the television. And then television wasn't even on. And then she started yelling at me about pirating music off of the internet, which she ALSO wasn't doing.
M: Well, that is kind of weird, but I mean... it's probably nothing.
B: And I'm not saying it is anything, but... well all I'm saying is that maybe you should kind of keep an eye on things. Inconsequently, can I borrow some of your clothes? I'm doing some studying on human physiology, and I need to create a replica of an average sized human male. ( A TOTAL LIE, He just wanted to wear them because it occured to him that he'd been naked forever.)
M: Yeah ok. Listen, B, I have to go to work.
B: Sure, hey thanks for coming out.
M: No problem.

And then they went their seperate ways... until today. A paper cup with a string appeared.

The Beyonder: Yyyyyyyello?
Grace: Dexter, Georgia's husband is on cord 1.
B: They're married?
G: Well... not yet.
B: Oh... Well, put him on.
G: Sure.
B: Yyyyyyyello?
The Michael: B? It's Mike.
B: Of course it is. I foresaw that you'd be calling me. (A TOTAL LIE!!!)
M: Really? You... you can do that?
B: Oh yeah, dude, I do it all the time.
M: Wow, that must be really cool.
B: Eh... it's alright. I mean, it is awesome, but you, know... it has it's days.
M: Yeah, well listen, it's about Georgia.
B: Ah, did you notice something?
M: Yeah, I know what you mean. Yesterday, she showed me that she had a pile of some of my clothes - I don't know how she got them - but they were all torn up. And there's this weird scarf that she keeps saying is mine. THAT I can explain. I bought the scarf for her for the September Ball, but I didn't tell her about it, I just snuck it into her room. I was going to pull it out of nowhere and surprise her with it at the last second.
B: Weird. But yeah, so you see what I'm saying though about her being kind of tapped?
M: Yeah... but what can we do?
B: I don't... OH!!! I'll go to the September Ball and we'll just kind of scope things out, and if she starts being weird, we can pull her aside and talk to her about it. Maybe we can get to the bottom of this whole torn up clothes thing, too!

And so that's the plan so far.

Peace Out!!

GReeTiNGS!! THiS iS THe BeyoNDeR!!!

Still... so... tired...

He woke up in the middle of the forest the other day. Covered with wooden splinters. Also his neck hurt. ZZzzzzzz....

GReeTiNGS!! THiS iS THe BeyoNDeR!!!

Sorry he hasn't posted in a few days. He's been so tired for some reason. He goes to bed at 11 and wakes up at 7 so he gets a good 8 hours of sleep. He has no idea why he's so tired. *YAWN* All well.

The Beyonder found a dead cat on the doorstep, which is weird. It was all mauled and stuff and it's insides were all torn a sunder. How strange.

He wanted to go to Georgia's house today, but he's too tired. Back to bed.

Peace Out!!

It's been nearly a year... what has he been doing? Where has he been? What has he been eating? Is he dead? Is he more powerful then ever? That is for him to foresee... and for you to find out.

Are you sitting down?

You should probably sit down.

After nine months and 17 days.... thIs... Is... thE bEYOnDeR!!!

It occured to the Beyonder today that he had not checked in with his secretery for a while... almost a year, in fact. So he created a paper cup with a string going to another paper cup.

Beyonder: GRACE!!!!
(silence)
GRACE!!!!
(silence)
GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--
Grace: ALRIGHT!
Beyonder: Excellent, you're there.
Grace: Who...? Dexter?
Beyonder: Correct! Do I have calls?
Grace: I thought you were dead! Where have you been?
Beyonder: Well I've... ... ... I... I don't know.
Grace: You don't know.
Beyonder: No, I... it's as if... the past nine months and 17 days is a complete blur. (WHOOO-HOOO song 2)
Grace: You... are such... a gypsy.
Beyonder: I don't see how--
Grace: GYPSY LEPRECHAUN!
Beyonder: oh. If you say so.... Do I have any calls?
Grace: Thousands. I'll forward them to your office computer.
Beyonder: Oh right, my computer. (Quickly conjurs up a computer.)
Grace: Give it about an hour and they should arrive.
Beyonder: Thanks, Grace. I appreciate it.
Grace: (sigh) Sure.
Beyonder: Ok, well that's all. I'll be in touch.
Grace: Sure thing, Dex.
Beyonder: Ok, I'll see ya.
Grace: Dexter?
Beyonder: Grace?
Grace: ... It's nice to have you back.
Beyonder: Thanks, Grace. It's nice to talk to you again, too. Bye
Grace: Bye

AND THEN THE CUP EXPLODED!!!!

So the Beyonder had an hour to kill before his calls came through, so he figured he'd visit his old friends. He went to Matunuck, because's it's September and that's where everyone should be. To his shock and amazement, however, Matunuck was not there! Instead, a huge crater where the appartments used to be. The only remnants he could find was a bent up liscence plate with the letters ROXNNE. Wonder what happened.

After that, he went to Georgia's house to make sure she was still alive and well. Indeed she was. She was pirating music of the intraweb. The Beyonder went inside quietly and shouted SURPRISE!!!!! He thought she would be happy to see him.

Beyonder: Hallo, Georgia, it's been a long time!! What happened to Matunuck?
Georgia: Maybe I am, and maybe I am!
Beyonder: Georgia... that doesn't make any sense.
Georgia: Maybe you should cry about it!
Beyonder: You must be being taken over by intraweb pirates. Don't worry I'll save you.

The Beyonder then proceded to unhook Georgia's computer from the intraweb.

Georgia: DUDE! NOT EVEN! I WAS LIKE 86% DONE WITH AH-HA TAKE ON ME! AND 43% DONE WITH THE ELECTRIC SLIDE!
Beyonder: Yes, well, now we can have a real conversation!! I'm so happy I'm going to do a dance!

He then fell to the ground and began rolling back and forth, this being the traditional happy dance of the Beyonder people. Suddenly, though, Georgia gave a mighty kick and the Beyonder flew towards the door. Unfortunately, he got stuck in the door, but Georgia employed her push broom to release him and then slammed the door to his back.

It's been a long time. It's good to know that Georgia is still bat shit crazy. AND HE KILLED AN HOUR!!!

Back at the extra-dimensional plane, the Beyonder began looking at the thousands of messages he had cued up. Not knowing really how to use a computer for such a thing, he hit the key marked DEL figuring that the good people at Del computers would offer some helpful tech support. That or he'd get some Del's Lemonade. Either way. Then all the messages disappeared. Del must have figured none of the messages were particularly important.

So the Beyonder willed a Del's for himself, and sat, content at how not much changes in nine months and 17 days, wondering what the future held for him. And then, because he thought about it, he knew what the future held for him. But he's not going to say... you're going to have to wait and find out.

pEAcE OUt!!